I’ve been up since 7.30am yesterday and I’ve still not slept. I’m now in the library. Living life on the edge.
Noon tomorrow I can sleep. Though I can’t help but think about gramps. Hope he gets out of intensive care pronto!
I WANT TO ALWAYS BE ON FILM, TO BE CAUGHT IN THE CUT COFFEE SOBER. DING DI DI DING DI DI DING DING BOOM BOOM BOULDER. ONE SCRATCHED LENS OF… OF A BRAND NEW PRESCRIPTION. DRAWING DATES FROM A STACKED DECK OF CARDS AND DOOM DOOM DOOM. I SHOULD CUT DOWN MY CALORIC INTAKE. I SHOULD GO TO SLEEP HUNGRY AND WAKE UP WITH MY GUTS KNOTTED UP AND EARS OPEN LIKE A BURNT DOWN HUT. I WANT MY MOUTH TO ALWAYS TASTE ABLATE. BUT I WANT, BUT I WANT, BU OH I WANT TO KISS LIKE TAFFY. HUMP GENTLE ON A BED OF NAILS AND FEEL SALT TO WIDEN EYES LIKE A CUT UP CLAM’S TONGUE DOES. I WANNA DUMP EARLY ON THAT BMT THE REST. U WANT A PATCH OF BLUE SKY TO FOLLOW ME.
UNFOLD AN ORIGAMI DEATH MASK AND CUT MY DNA WITH RUBBER TRAITS. PULL APART THE DOUBLE HELIX LIKE A WISHBONE ALWAYS BE WORKING ON A SUICIDE NOTE. I DON’T WANT TO, WHEN I FEEL LIKE I COULD HAVE GONE LONGER. I DON’T WANT TO WHEN I COULD HAVE GONE…
PRODUCTIVE, FULL CHARGED, COCKED AND POINTED. KEEP A TAPE RECORDER ON MY BEDSIDE TABLE. SWEATS, ONLY THE PANTS THAT FIT THE BEST, NO BELTS, NO CUFFS. WALKED HOME YET LOOSE KEEP HEEL DIES BLUE TO A TEN. WATCH A FLY HIT A PANE OF GLASS TILL IT GETS REAL BONY. HIS STOMACH SWELLS UP AND HE DIES.
I DON’T WANT TO WHEN I FEEL LIKE I COULD HAVE GONE LONGER. I DON’T WANT TO WHEN I FEEL LIKE I COULD HAVE GONE.
Dancing to Madonna to take my mind off my gramps having his op and ignoring my work. I can’t wait for July 17th! Also for 5pm so I can see how gramps is going on. I just keep texting my grandma the occasional bad joke to cheer her up!
I’m so worried about my grandfather. I hope he is okay from his op tomorrow. Time is literally standing still. I hate the fact that I can’t do nothing about it and I wish I could.
GOIN’ HOME. CAN’T ESCAPE, IT WON’T BREAK. NO HARM IS WORTH WHAT I CAN’T TAKE. SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW. THINK YOU KNOW THE WAY. SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW, THINK YOU KNOW MY SHAME? EVEN THOUGH I STILL CARE FOR YOU. IT’S NOT HALF OF ALL I COULD DO. SO, SO, YOU THINK YOU KNOW, THINK YOU KNOW MY WAYS. SO, SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW, THINK YOU KNOW MY SHAME? NOW IT’S LATE I’M NOT AFRAID TO LET YOU KNOW. I’M HURT TO BURN TO LET IT SHOW. RIVERS COME AND RIVERS GO. STRAIGHT FROM MY HELL TO MY ACHING SOUL. SO, SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW, THINK YOU KNOW THE WAY. SO, SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW, THINK YOU KNOW MY SHAME. EVEN THOUGH I STILL CARE FOR YOU, IT’S NOT ALL I COULD EVER DO.
JUST SO, JUST SO YOU KNOW. JUST SO.
