Meet me in Montauk

prayerbucket:

A kid spends all year ignoring his dad cos he’s too busy on his IPad. Adele’s recent semi-ironic piano cover of Enter Sandman plays over the top of this montage, and the seasons progress until eventually the kid breaks his iPad cos he tweeted to hard. It gets to Christmas and you still haven’t seen his mum yet so you assume she’s dead cos it keeps cutting to pictures of her around the house and the dad looking sad. The kid gets a present off his dad, wrapped in paper with hashtags on it. He tears off the paper expecting a new iPad but it’s actually a football, and he and his dad enjoy a kick about in the garden, Gary Lineker maybe shows up. Then there’s a knock at the door and it’s his mum, not dead but dressed in her doctor uniform cos she had to work Christmas Day for free, she is followed by Mary Berry and a Paul Hollywood snowman, who announce “this is the best Great British Christmas ever”. The kids mum presents him with a brand new iPad and he promises to go easy with it this time and only use it for watching Only Fools and Horses and learning about the upcoming EU referendum. Your mum cries and says “well I wasn’t going to shop there but I am now"

Gold

cosplay-in-the-usa:

rae-rose:

who-lligan:

So I just had the shit creeped out of me.

I’m not someone who believes in ghosts, but I was sitting in my room, alone and in the dark, and I heard the strings of my violin being softly plucked. 

My violin is hanging on the wall several feet away. 

So I gathered my courage, grabbed my phone, and used the camera light to investigate. 

And found this.

A goddamn spider was playing my violin. Not even joking. The little shit.

I think I’d have preferred a ghost….

So anyway…. *tiny incoherent cough exhumes from spider* Here’s Wonderwall.

everyonehatesstrudel:

nigel farage: im gonna blame immigrants for *spins wheel* HIV and *reaches into hat* housing